Because I needed a laugh today, and chances are some other people do too.
The following are supposedly stories from actual travel agents. I found them on the internet, so they could actually be the late night musings of a dog groomer. But they're still funny.
- I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get mess up by being near the window.
- I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown in is Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa. Her response...click.
- A man called furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."
- A nice lady just called. She need to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20 am and got into Chicago at 8:33 am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that.
- A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."
- A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough his stay required a visa. When I told him he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."
- A woman called to make reservations. "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York." The agent was at a loss for words. Finally the agent said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching the agent came back with, "I'm sorry ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal." (I also read this one as a woman asking to fly to Bison, New York)
And here are some fun quips from airline stewardesses and pilots.
Pilot - "Folks we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I'm going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plan til we land. It's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
While landing and coming to a stop - "Whoa big fella - WHOA"
Stewardess - "Should the cabin lose pressure oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children."
After a rough landing - "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our plane to the gate."
Another rough landing - "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
Stewardess - "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight ABC. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask and pull it over your face. If you have small children traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you or your money more than Southwest Airlines"
Well there you go, funny real life stories, or musing of a dog groomer. Hope it at least made you laugh.
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